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Learn to Trust Completely

Registered Date September 04, 2020 User ID nataliehuang Read 103
School Duta Wacana Christian University Scranton Scholarship 2020 
User Name Natalie Sandra Susanto
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Hi, I am Natalie. I am a senior student who's still doing her research and yes I have not finished what I'm doing, but it is not a big deal for me because I still enjoy my research. 

I like research but I have some obstacles in my research. It is certain that the first obstacle is the covid-19 pandemic. I had a complete stop for one to two months during lockdown. At that 
time I did not think anything about my research, what I thought at that time was how I could survive being cooped up with just one friend. Another obstacle is that almost all of my lab tests failed (I missed an important step) and then my research extract was contaminated, it took me a month for sample preparation to become an extract. I was so desperate at that time, and I stopped because of that. But I still had dry samples left, and I used it for testing and the results gave me enough headache so I hesitated. I was terrified of going forward, because I was overshadowed by a major failure and I did nothnot enough extract. I overthought. On the other hand I also have a need where I have to pay for my living. 

I do not have friends to share because to be honest I am not used to such things. I was at the point where I did not want to share anything, I did not know how and I just did not understand, I was too confused. But I still got strength from God. I am still grateful because during this pandemic, I feel I am being closer to God. I have free time to read the Scriptures and pray. I believe behind all of this, God wants to teach me something. I am jealous of friends who have finished while I have not got any data. I always thought I could be a successful person (I have my own standards of success), but in reality I am not as good as I thought. Maybe God wants to teach me about patience, waiting, and humility. I believe He will give the best for me. I remember during the Pentecost sermon, my pastor said, "The more challenges you face, the more miracles that happen. How can you experience miracles if you do not run into problems?" From there I realized that there is something behind all of this and I will not be a failure. I got my enthusiasm back!

I am currently still working in the lab, I work 7 days a week. There is no day off and I live it with joy. I changed my view of success, and I will not focus only on my academic problems, because there are many important things that should not be left behind. 

During  this pandemic I also attended several online seminars. I also learned a lot of things like apologetics (maybe it sounds strange to people, but I'm really very interested), I started to deepen my Chinese, and for sure my cooking level got better! Before this, I was a professional at cooking instant noodles, but now I can cook a lot of food even though the taste is not perfect. I also realized that I can not live alone forever, I need people around me. The point is I realized that relationships really matter.

In this difficult times I actually found God's love that was truly extraordinary for me. When I was busy with other things, He was still there and fulfilled my needs. When I don't have time for Him, He faithfully never leaves me. When I feel like a failure, I look back to the time when I entered this university, in this study program. At that time, I was sad because I failed medical school, but in that sadness I received the verse from Jeremiah 29:11 several times. Wherever I stand, I hope I walk according to His will.